God's Dead Lasagna's Forever Franchise

The God's Dead Lasagna's Forever franchise is the passion project of enigmatic writer/directer ARLO MATES and creator Nikolai Smolpeñer. Some episodes reference a third party whose name is entirely unpronounceable, but begins with "J," who was in charge of translation and some special effects.

Casting & Production
Starring Graflied as the titular character, Gregor Fueee as door-to-door salesman Gnome Greg Peters, and Jane "Mealtime" Doe as the friendly neighborhood mime, (though she remains uncredited in the original run,) the series follows Funee Oragne Catt in his day-to-day life, God's Dead Lasagna's Forever initially aired on the GHB network.

Reception & Cancellation
The period piece about a door-to-door salesman in the Gnome era received nearly universal acclaim, with the Hollywood Reporter calling it "The slideshow of the decade" and Fox News saying "It's over. Politics are no more. There is only Lasagna now." Unfortunately, Network Television is a cesspool, and it was swiftly cancelled by GHB, in spite of a 150% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

Revival
Luckily for the series' numerous fans, however, in the era of streaming, ABC would pick up the rights to God's Dead Lasagna's Forever, to air exclusively on their now defunct streaming service, ABC DEF. Fans of the show were initially skeptical about the idea: As noted political commentator Mark Whalberg writes: "On the one hand, God's Dead Lasagna's Forever is the greatest show ever written. The fact that the original creative team is being given a chance to create a second series for us is miracle enough to almost make me question whether God really is dead after all. On the other hand though, the idea of paying for ABC DEF is mind-blowing! I'm already paying for 8 other streaming services!"

Luckily, ABC DEF would be hacked and removed from the internet, only a week after that interview, forcing ABC to release the series on Netflix, where it pulled in a record setting 2 viewers on its debut. The Daily Planet described the second entry in the God's Dead Lasagna's Forever franchise as "an eye-opening experience sure to make the middle class think." WIRED writes "God's Dead Lasagna's Forever pulls it off again with spectacular second season! Critics are on fire! Literally!" and a journalist from The Newsy With Suzy even went so far as to say "I enjoyed how the GDLF team managed to give Kirby such a deep and heartfelt backstory, it really helped flesh out his character, but what I'd really like to talk about today is this practice of Wiki articles including reviews from just a couple random sources and passing it off as a critical consensus." After the reports on its debut, reception only got more positive, as viewers began to unravel the deep psychological meaning behind volume 2 of God's Dead Lasagna's Forever.

Second Season
God's Dead Lasagna's Forever II - The Sequel once again follows the titular character Funee Oragne Catt as he clashes with all-new villain Kirby, a viscous tyrant who speaks in tongues and fears losing control of his kingdom to the Council of Wandalore, and befriends new series regular Spider-man, as portrayed by Mark Collins. Though initially written as a front for the mob to move assets around, this framework allowed creator Nikolai Smolpeñer to explore themes of identity and passion in a way he never had before. "Of course it was out of my wheelhouse," says Smolpeñer, "but as it turns out, when you have a gun to your head and Capone himself breathing down your neck, it really gets the creative juices flowing!" In spite of this, no evidence has been found that Smolpeñer actually contributed to the season's production in any way.

As for the cast, Mealtime had this to say about returning to her role after so long "It was kinda surreal, coming back to set like nothing had happened. Like we'd never been cancelled, like Graflied had never had the accident, but once we got going, we fell into this rhythm - no - this zenlike trance, where we'd consume cocaine and shit episodes straight out the other end." Mealtime was found dead on the studio lot 9 seconds after making these comments.

Availability
After being removed from GHB, God's Dead Lasagna's Forever was available on ABC DEF for 4 months, before ABC DEF went under partway through the second season's airing, ending it on a cliffhanger. The show was then on Netflix for 0.1 seconds, before being transferred to LAYER, where it remained for all eternity.

Third Season
When asked about the possibility of a third season, picking up after Season 2's cliffhanger ending, where Graflied's character had arrived in Wandalore and was preparing to be taken before the enigmatic Council, Smolpeñer said "It might happen. I'm certainly down to make another season if everyone else is, but I feel like we ended Funee Orang Catt's story at the exact right place, and I'm not sure where there is to take it from here." When asked for comment, ABC's chairman hissed, then yawned, and began lapping at the water in his bowl. Insider information reveals that George Clooney may be set to reprise his role as Flowers from the first season. A trailer for a trailer for a trailer for a trailer for a trailer for a trailer for a trailer for a trailer for season 3 graced the internet on may 3rd 2025, but nothing else has been heard from the GDLF team since.